Is this my real life? Or just anxiety? Can I blame stress? Or is this just reality?

Normally the weekends aren't too bad for me as a rule. I can even wake up feeling close to normal. I still need a bath of course (I think that they are habit-forming) but it's this pattern that has made it pretty obvious that a lot of my problems are work-related.

In my longest serving job I'd been there for eight years, give or take, and I left because of immense frustration in the end. When you find yourself in year 8 trying to achieve the same thing you were trying to achieve in year 4, and still failing because of ridiculous bureaucracy you know that something has to give. When I was in that job though, I didn't get what I get now. I'd either have days of confusion, where I felt like I just couldn't be bothered any more - or more commonly, bouts of anger born of frustration. I'd give people hell, whinge moan, dig my heels in and generally be a pain in the arse. Ironically, this was one of the things about myself which I wanted to change, having detected that having a reputation for being a pain in the arse is not a good professional move, however convinced you are that you're right. (Insisting that you need an actual Apple Mac to check that websites work on Apple Macs isn't so mad, after all).

I wonder now if in fact this tendency was good for me - or at least better for me than how I am now. With several years of working my way up, of knowing an organisation, knowing my skill-set, how it fitted in, and where I was closest to being indispensable I think I had something approaching confidence. (Not usually in abundance, despite the veneer of bullshit I can sometimes manage to apply).

Now, having made changes, put myself in a new arena, taken on additional responsibility and willed my dogmatic side out of existence, I think I have just turned things in on themselves. Frustration is now being bottled up inside me, rather than being more healthily expelled, meaning that I also keep my snappy, assertive side for when I am at home. In the comfort zone, I feel that am almost keen to pounce on anything (or anyone) that narks me. Sometimes I catch myself doing this, but I am sure that often I don't. Then again, perhaps sometimes it's normal and even right to disagree with things. Even forcefully. Even at home. And other people make people cry, don't they? Don't they?

So I wander into the arena of self-analysis and doubt a little more. Is this just what I am like, or is this the anxiety? Maybe it's a side effect of some related mental process I'm involved in? Or perhaps, I am just a bit of a twat - I mean I've always had a moody side. How will I know when I'm just normal. Will I ever relax? How many questions marks are too many?

How many doubts are too many?